Trying something new...

This year started off pretty good.  Lee and I decided to get serious about having another baby.  I know, weird that we would make this our New Years goal as a couple.  We just feel that Teaella needs a sibling to teach her things like: patience, love, kindness, and help her develop a nurturing spirit.  Yes, yes, yes,  I am we'll aware that an only child can learn these things as well, but it was my brothers who taught me the most about these things.  Besides, Teaella has been bugging us for months for a baby brother.  So, to continue my story I had every intention of getting into my Ob/gyn to get back on fertility medicine (I have PCOS. Poly cystic ovarian syndrome).  Many people might think It's weird for me to disclose this information but it is what I live with everyday.  God has blessed us with our first child and if I can help another who struggles to conceive then I feel God is using my situation to benefit his plan and purposes.  Well, by mid January it had been 56 days since my last period so I was thinking I might be pregnant, but for those of you who have been trying to conceive there is a real fear of the truth that a pregnancy test might hold.  It is heart wrenching to see a negative show up on one of those tests and all the pain, anger, and sadness rushes back into your body.  Not that your mad at anyone else but your angry that your body can't or won't do what it is supposed to.  So, people might say it is superstitious behavior but I refer to it as cautious behavior because your not only guarding your heart from disappointment but also your spouses.  Any way, I had hinted to Lee that I thought I might be pregnant but we had decided to wait another week just in case my cycle was way off.  However, on January 19th I started to feel as though my cycle might show up and by the time we got home from Lee's parent's house I was in a lot of pain.  I took some Tylenol to ease the pain and eventually it did and early the next morning I had miscarried.  Lee took me to the Emergency Room where his parents met us (I am so grateful for his parents because they never let us go through these painful moments alone).  We had a wonderful doctor and nurse who comforted my husband and I.  They confirmed that I had been pregnant and Lee and I calculated that I was probably about eight weeks along.  Such a different feeling to realize you we're pregnant and exit the hospital with no baby in your arms.  Lee took it very hard expressing his emotion very openly, I on the other hand felt empty and numb.  It was a very hard time for us but I thank Jesus that we had Teaella to come home too.  Without her I don't think my heart could have healed as fast.  For Lee, the pain of that moment seemed to linger and we both felt like we needed some closure so we got an idea from Focus on the Family about having a private ceremony just Lee and I and naming our baby and saying goodbye.  We have selected the name Spencer Swift (because that name could be for a boy or a girl) and we plan on having our little ceremony soon.  I have my good days and my bad days but the fact has never changed that my Lord has been faithful to me and blessed me with two children; one that resides with me here on this world on one that looks over me from the heavens above!

With this experience it has reaffirmed that we DO want more children and God will bless us with more children!  I firmly believe that so please read our blog as we set out on this new Journey and feel free to pray us and all others who are struggling to conceive and let us watch The Lord rain blessings over his children.

Lovingly Yours,
Angie